Why You Like Iowa
Why do You like Iowa so much? Dude, You don't have any sort of connection to the state, emotional or otherwise. You once got a ticket there, just a mile or so away from the Missouri/Iowa border. As the police officer was chasing You down that stretch of Highway 63, You thought "What if I just go? Just keep driving, and make it to the Missouri border? Can he do anything? Can he arrest me? Would I be an outlaw in Iowa, facing a criminal sentence if I ever dared to return to this state?" But You did not keep going. You stopped. In the car you had two green bell peppers and a jar of strawberry preserves that you had bought from an Amish family. Luckily, when You stopped at that gas station to buy a bottle of Orange Gatorade, You decided against buying that sixer of High Life to drink in the car.
That reminds You of a funny story, doesn't it? Last year Your Uncle Chris (who is an engineer living in Atlanta) was on his way to pick up his son from soccer practice. He was drinking a scotch and water and was pulled over for speeding. In a panic, Your Uncle Chris (a word that you often mistype as "Christ") downed the entire cup. The police officer smelled the drink on his breath and arrested him for drinking and driving. You find that story funny, right? It amuses You. Thankfully, You did not buy a six-pack to drink in the car, and merely received a speeding ticket, which You forgot about until the State of Missouri threatened to take away Your driver's license, something that You rely on and often take for granted.
Maybe you enjoy Iowa because the drive north helps You clear Your head. Maybe it is because for four years You and Your friends always said You were going to go to Iowa when You were bored, but You never did. Maybe You like to disappear for a couple hours every month and enjoy it when people ask You, "Where have You been?" and You can casually respond, "Iowa." And they give You a knowing nod, because they know that You often like to drive to Iowa, but are not sure why.
Tonight however, You did not drive to Iowa. You drove until you could see the "Welcome to Iowa" sign and then You turned around. As You turned Your car around and headed back into Missouri, You reveled in the poetic beauty of the situation: You drove with the intent of driving to Iowa, and when You were seconds away from completing Your task, You turned around with no other reason other than it seemed poetically beautiful. As you headed deeper into Missouri, You thought how cool it would be to write a song about driving to Iowa, and turning around at the last minute. The song would actually be about unfulfilled dreams and unrequited love, and only Your solid fan-base who understood Your complex and reoccurring imagery would understand the true meaning of the song. And that would make it special. As You compose the song, You picture Your fans discussing the song on a web-board. You think about how You would check that web-board all of the time to see what people thought about Your amazing music, but You would never tell anyone about it. That would just be self-indulgent.
That reminds You of a funny story, doesn't it? Last year Your Uncle Chris (who is an engineer living in Atlanta) was on his way to pick up his son from soccer practice. He was drinking a scotch and water and was pulled over for speeding. In a panic, Your Uncle Chris (a word that you often mistype as "Christ") downed the entire cup. The police officer smelled the drink on his breath and arrested him for drinking and driving. You find that story funny, right? It amuses You. Thankfully, You did not buy a six-pack to drink in the car, and merely received a speeding ticket, which You forgot about until the State of Missouri threatened to take away Your driver's license, something that You rely on and often take for granted.
Maybe you enjoy Iowa because the drive north helps You clear Your head. Maybe it is because for four years You and Your friends always said You were going to go to Iowa when You were bored, but You never did. Maybe You like to disappear for a couple hours every month and enjoy it when people ask You, "Where have You been?" and You can casually respond, "Iowa." And they give You a knowing nod, because they know that You often like to drive to Iowa, but are not sure why.
Tonight however, You did not drive to Iowa. You drove until you could see the "Welcome to Iowa" sign and then You turned around. As You turned Your car around and headed back into Missouri, You reveled in the poetic beauty of the situation: You drove with the intent of driving to Iowa, and when You were seconds away from completing Your task, You turned around with no other reason other than it seemed poetically beautiful. As you headed deeper into Missouri, You thought how cool it would be to write a song about driving to Iowa, and turning around at the last minute. The song would actually be about unfulfilled dreams and unrequited love, and only Your solid fan-base who understood Your complex and reoccurring imagery would understand the true meaning of the song. And that would make it special. As You compose the song, You picture Your fans discussing the song on a web-board. You think about how You would check that web-board all of the time to see what people thought about Your amazing music, but You would never tell anyone about it. That would just be self-indulgent.
posted by GoodbyeCalcutta at 2:00 AM
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